I recently learned about extasis. Extasis is a heavenly experience that allows us to step outside ourselves. I never had a word to describe this feeling until now. Bhutan is the epitome of extasis.

How to Get to Bhutan

I’ve wanted to visit Bhutan since 2001 when I did a school report on the country. I initially wanted a "fun" country to research, like France or Germany. Instead, I got assigned Bhutan. Well, the joke is on you Mr. Tillett, because I've been obsessed with going ever since.

Back in 2016, I got serious about planning a trip. Bhutan isn't an easy place to visit. Not in a bad way, it's just logistically challenging. First, Paro Airport, the only international airport, is a daylight restricted airport. This means planes can only land and take off during daylight hours. There are limited flights, therefore there are limited seats available. When I planned the trip, I read (on the internet) that Bhutan may one day restrict or eliminate tourism completely. Let me dispel that rumor. Tourism is Bhutan's number one industry. The country opened its borders to tourism in 1974 and it has been growing ever since. Usually, I'm a big do-it-myself travel planner with the occasional air/hotel/tour package mixed in. After some very early and quick research, I learned all visitors to Bhutan must have an approved visa before boarding the plane into Bhutan. To obtain a Bhutanese visa, you must book your travel through an approved Bhutanese tour agency. I started getting overwhelmed. I kind of felt like I couldn't find my way out of the loop. I pushed back from my computer and numbed my brain with TV.

To get a visa, you must first book travel through a Bhutanese tour agency.

Fast forward to 2018. I made a New Year’s Resolution to make visiting Bhutan a reality. Luckily, after a bit of nudging (read: constant & obsessive nagging, pleading, and whining) my dad agreed to take us on this grand adventure. There were signs everywhere for Bhutan and I knew they were pointing me to go to visit as soon as possible. First, a traveler I follow shared her amazing time in Bhutan. Then, a magazine from Yeti Coolers had an article on Bhutan. Ironically, Bhutan claims to be home of the yeti. The final sign came from the TV show Archer. As we binged watched it, Season 6, Episode 10, we binged watched Arched. In Season 6 Episode 10, the bring up Bhutan. Weirdly (or not weirdly, if you know the show), Carol/Cheryl says, “The child is sent to Bhutan, where for the next 20 years she's raised and trained as an assassin with Ra's al Ghul before returning to destroy those who once betrayed her.” Bhutan is not a common reference in American pop culture. I knew it was a sign to get planning.

At some point, working on the logistics for a different trip, it occurred to me to find a hotel in Bhutan and ask if they could help plan our visit. The research began again. Luckily, I found COMO hotels. With two properties in Bhutan, I hoped they had the resources to help. And help they did. Within one day, I had a response from COMO with links to packages they offered, pricing, and questions they needed me to answer to better help me. About seventy-five emails later, we had our deposit transferred and dates set. COMO took care of our flights, visas, tour guide, and driver. Because Bhutan is a tiny nation, they don't have flights coming in or going to Europe, the Americas, or the North or South Pacific. You can enter Bhutan from India, Nepal, or Thailand by air. We opted to bookend our trip with Bangkok. We flew from the US to Bangkok and spent three days in Bangkok to deal with jet lag and air travel hangovers. We wanted to be fresh, recovered, and ready for our time in Bhutan.

Arrival in Bhutan

During our time in Bhutan, I learned more than I ever imagined about Buddhism, which helps define Bhutanese culture. From the moment we arrived, our Buddhism education began. Yarob, our guide, and Gopal, our driver, presented us with white scarves symbolizing purity and open hearts. They shared it is the beginning of a new relationship and they were genuinely excited to show us their country.

We arrived at COMO Uma Paro in the early afternoon. We were welcomed by the General Manager, James. James sat with us and spoke to us about Bhutan. He said, while other countries in the world are wealthy in material goods, Bhutan is wealthy in happiness. The people are content. They are fully present in each moment. Is everything perfect? No, but there’s a sense of peace and fulfillment within the Bhutanese that is unlike anywhere else in the world. We would end our time in Bhutan with three nights in Paro, so we had a little walk around the property and ate dinner. We mostly relaxed to adjust to the altitude.

Punakha

We departed the next morning for Punakha. While the distance between Paro and Punakha is not far by miles, it takes a while due to the curvy roads in the mountains. We stopped for photos along the way and had lunch in the capital city of Thimphu. Fried dumplings filled with either beef or cheese accompanied by chili paste so hot it will summon the devil. Along the way, we stopped at Buddha Dordenma. This massive Buddha statue and temple is very special to the Bhutanese and sits on a mountain overlooking Thimphu. After our time with Buddha Dordenma, we continued the curvy mountainous roads through Dochula pass and into the nearly tropical valley of Punakha.

Our arrival in Punakha was like Paro. The General Manager, Kellie, greeted us and spent time talking with us and getting to know us. We had the pleasure of meeting Kellie at the bag drop at the Bangkok airport before our flight to Bhutan and it was delightful to see her again. We had the evening free and we explored the beautiful property a bit, enjoyed a delicious dinner, and slept blissfully.

The Tiger’s Nest

Perhaps the most exhilarating event during our time in Bhutan was the hike to Paro Taktsang - The Tiger’s Nest. This hike took us about five and a half hours round trip. A local can do it in about ninety minutes. My heart was beating wildly the whole time as we ascended practically straight up a mountain to visit the temple nestled on the side of a mountain. Visiting The Tiger’s Nest is a pilgrimage. Buddhists from around the world come to Bhutan to hike to the Tiger’s Nest and accept the gifts which come with the accomplishment of the hike. Going into the hike, I didn’t believe in any of the mumbo jumbo of “receiving gifts.” I wanted to hike, see the temple, and say I did it. But like most things in Bhutan, whether you want it or not, you’re going to have an attitude-changing experience.

On the hike, I was exhausted. I knew I was not in the best shape of my life, but I also learned altitude is not my friend. I might love the mountains, but my body doesn’t love the altitude. Once we reached the end of the hike at the temple, we continued our Buddhist education and caught our breath. After a quick snack, we began our descent, which was surprisingly harder than the ascent. While I was cranky, hot, grumpy, sore, and exhausted, I thoroughly enjoyed our Tiger’s Nest experience.

Buddhism in Bhutan

As we drove from Paro to Punakha, we stopped at the Buddha Dordenma. As we walked clockwise around the Buddha, Yarob explained the 3 Ms: Meaningful, Memorable, and Magical. When your life becomes meaningful, it becomes memorable. Once life becomes memorable, it’s magical. How often do we drift through life not remember what we did at work or the conversation we had on the phone? When we lack meaning, we don't create moments of magic, therefore, we don’t remember much of what we do. The 3 Ms struck me as having great importance. I see, and often feel that feeling in life. Another day, another dollar. Same Shit - Different Day mentality. We have loads of sayings around the monotony of life. And yet, we accept it. Our days, so often, are meaningless and forgettable. It's no wonder so many of us fear growing old. I would be afraid of getting old if I drifted through the best years of my life with no purpose, no meaning, and no magic. I've always believed in the "do what you love and love what you do" approach to jobs and careers. As I scratched the surface of Buddhism, I realized it’s a bit too oversimplified. You don't have to love what you do, but you do need to find meaning in it. You can have whatever job you feel is "lowly" but if you find meaning in it, your life is exponentially better. Therefore, people often gravitate toward volunteer work or non-profit work. Yes, it's possible to find meaning in a big corporate conglomerate too. But the meaning must come from you. You aren't given a purpose or a meaning. You must find it, define it, embrace it and do your best.

Another delightful lesson I picked up from Yarob was about success. Regardless of what you are trying to succeed in, "success is a stairstep." The first step is to take care of yourself. Leadership is not leading others. It's leading yourself down the right path and loving yourself first. Here I am, about as far away from my home and job as possible, and a Buddhist tour guide is reminding me of what I left, what matters, and how to get back to center. Leadership is not something you do for others or to others. It's something you do for yourself. Sometimes we forget this. Most of us, and I am guilty of this, believe leadership will either get us a promotion or allow us to help others. Through the lens of self-care, leadership is about leading ourselves down the right path, giving us the compassion, capacity, and credibility to help others.

Finally, Buddhism spends a lot of time thinking about death in the same way I think about death. In Stoicism, you have Memento Mori. The theme is that life is short, and we have limited time - why waste it? Buddhism believes in reincarnation and it’s much more complex than death and rebirth.

As shared with us, without reincarnation, how do we explain not only population increase but the increase in species? When an endangered animal comes off the list and makes a comeback, where are those souls coming from? It's a very interesting thought exercise. If you believe, no matter your philosophy or religion, that living beings/animals have a soul, where does the soul come from? In Buddhism, when you die, you will be put into one of six categories. Three are good, three are not good. You can be reincarnated as a human (best), a god, a demi-god. If you weren't good and are still repenting for your bad choices, you may come back as an animal, or come back in hell, or as a hungry ghost. If you spend your time after death as a god or demi-god, you can choose to come back as a human at any point: days, years, centuries, or even millennia later. In a way, it blends the thought of an eternal afterlife (Christianity) with reincarnation. Those who choose to reborn are like the Bodhisattva. When the Bodhisattva reaches enlightenment, Bodhisattva can then choose to return and help ease the suffering of the people.

What you did in the past gives a result in the present. What you do in the present gives you a result in the next generation.

Each day, Yarob shared Buddhist philosophy. For the first time, I found myself taking more notes than photos. The main things which matter in living a good life today are love, care, compassion, equality, and forgiveness. These are your guiding lights to living a good life.

One stark contrast I saw in Bhutan compared to the USA was the story-telling culture. In Bhutan, stories should be told without any hesitation or shame. Part of the path to enlightenment is honesty. This shows up in dealing with sexuality, procreation, and fertility. Buddhism in Bhutan freely discusses these topics as facts of life rather than points of shame. Another part of the path to enlightenment is how we tell those stories. Your words and actions with the right vision, intention, and commitment, will yield positivity and results throughout your life.

Sitting with the Lama

Our itinerary called for a visit to the temple behind COMO Uma Punakha on a Sunday and our last full day in Punakha. In an expected twist, we were invited to sit with the Lama of the monastery. This man looked like a traditional monk, in orange garb with contented smile and a golden glow to his skin. What I thought would be a short, potentially superficial visit turned into one of the most enlightening moments of my life. After the typical pleasantries and the passing out of snacks (yay, snacks!), the Lama began speaking in Dzongkha. The Lama speaks and hears English with no problem but chose to speak Dzongkha and preserve his native Bhutanese. The Lama looked at me as if we've always known each other. He kept catching my eye and really seeing me. I don’t know if my parents or hubby felt this as well, but somehow, I knew the Lama and I were connected. If there was a point in my life when I didn't believe in past lives, my mind changed after this meeting. The warm smile, cheerful eyes, and glowing attitude, I knew in my heart we not only knew each other in a past life but in that life, we had a bond of some sort. And somehow, he knew this of me too.

As he began, the Lama explained how we are all meant to be here, now. In this moment. Why today? Why this year? Why did we visit Bhutan at this specific time? Why not 2020? Or 2018? Answer: fate. We were meant to be in Bhutan at that moment to receive this wisdom and have this very experience.

The Lama continued with the big, macro picture. First, the world is filled with illusion. Nothing is as it seems. Later, while reviewing my scribbled notes, this makes me think about the stories we make up, our invisible scripts, and the assumptions we make about others without knowing their facts or story. He continued to share that everything happens in your mind. Every action and reaction is managed by the mind. Naturally, this made me think of the adage, "mind over matter." What I interpreted from the Lama relates to mindset. If you think a situation is bad, it will be. If you think a situation will improve, it will. Changing your mentality, mindset, and attitude is also one part of the enlightenment journey. You may master the mental, but you must also master the physical. The Lama shared yoga is an important component because it blends the mental and physical mastery needed to achieve true enlightenment.

Meditation

I learned most people, especially Westerns, meditate incorrectly according to the Lama. Here's what we're taught, but is not correct:

no closed eyes
don't sit in a chair or a couch
sit on the floor
the tongue should rest at the roof of the mouth
eyes should be in soft focus at the tip of your nose

To meditate, you simply focus on one thing. Many people get hung up on breath, but you can focus on a sound, a blade of grass, a memory. When you lose concentration, restart without shame or self-condemnation. Who would think Ron Swanson got it right?

Since returning home, CNN came out with a comprehensive article on Bhutan and its Gross National Happiness. And out of the blue, my favorite shoe designer, Christian Louboutin, came out with a line of Bhutanese inspired shoes and handbags. Not only were there signs leading up to our trip, but the signs pointing me back to Bhutan continue to find me.

Bhutan is in my heart. While I treasure the stamp in my passport, one visit isn’t enough. I will go back. If you haven't heard about Bhutan before, buckle up, because you'll be hearing about it a lot more. Hike the Tiger’s Nest. Visit the temples. Eat the chili past with dumplings. Follow the signs pointing you to where you need to go. The rewards on the other side are waiting for you.

Bhutan, Buddhism, and a Bucket List Journey