Why I’m Obsessed with Swedish Death Cleaning
‘Swedish Death Cleaning’ might sound super ominous, but it’s a thoughtful, loving process. A Swedish artist, Margareta Magnusson, wrote a book in 2018 called The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning. According to Magnusson, “this process is called döstädning. The first part dö means death and the second part städning means cleaning.” The author claims to be in the 80-100 age range and her book is geared primarily towards those nearing the end of their journey in this realm. However, many younger folks can take these lessons apply them to keep from acquiring so much stuff in the first place.
Much like Marie Kondo and her KonMari process, Swedish Death Cleaning made waves in the organizing/decluttering communities. Death cleaning is all about getting rid of things you own before you die so your loved ones don’t feel guilted into taking items. As the person getting rid of the items, you also have control as to how and where you want the items to go. This is helpful if you have multiple children and you’re worried about family squabbles when divvying up possessions. It’s also a nice process so you know your items won’t be ransacked at an estate sale. Have you been to an estate sale? I don’t think I could bear having my items put out on display on plastic tables with prices on them for just anyone to buy. Even after death, I don’t want people judging me on the things I owned.
Magnusson writes how adult children often have a hard time accepting their parents will one day die. While I understand this on a deeply personal level, burying our heads in the sand won’t change the outcome that we will all die. Death can be a motivator, but we all must realize we’ll kick the bucket sooner or later. Döstädning is a way to make your daily life easier and smoother - especially after years of accumulating stuff, raising a family, and experiencing many new things. I’m obsessed with döstädning because I’ve seen what death cleaning looks like when you have to do it for others. I don’t want anyone to do it for me and I don’t want to do it for my parents.
Keys to Successful Death Cleaning
Own the process - you are doing this with your items. Whether you’re eighteen or eighty, you get to determine what happens to your stuff.
Be open - there’s no shame in death. We are all going to die. Despite all our differences around the world, we all share this commonality. The döstädning process might even make you more at peace with your death once you feel like you have a bit more control over your items.
Communicate - if you think your children might want a treasured item from your home, ask them. If you’re still using the item, ask who might want it one day. If no one wants it, at least you’ve asked and you’re comfortable with the answer. Also, don’t be afraid to joke about death. Laughter makes us feel better in tough and tense situations and brings us closer together with our loved ones. Crack a few jokes about our future dates with the Grim Reaper. You might build stronger relationships this way.
Sell stuff - if you have loved ones prone to quarreling or you don’t want to show favoritism by giving someone an item over another person, feel confident in selling it. This is especially true for houses and cars. Sell the big-ticket items and split the money among the loved ones.
Draw up a will - Whatever the process is in your country, have a legal, notarized will and testament for your loved ones. Be as specific as possible. In the USA, possessions, assets, and more can get tied up in the courts for years if there’s not a will for the person who passed away. As an only child, my parents have always had a “the kid gets it all” mentality about their death. While I’m grateful and honored, the three of us were surprised to learn how easily inheritance can go off the rails without a Last will and testament.
Hubby and parents - On a Lord of the Rings tour of Wellington, NZ
Communication
I’m super lucky because I have a very open relationship with my parents. Now I’m a grown up (or I am on the outside), my parents are more friends than “parents.” Because we have a great relationship, we enjoy joking about death. For example, my mom and I have similar taste in clothing, so we often pick up the same scarf or like the same skirt. When there’s only one left in the store, we’ll have a mini argument over who gets it. Inevitably, I let Mom have the thing and joke, “eh, I’ll get it when you die.” While we’ve gotten some weird looks from cashiers and salespeople over the years, it works for us. On the flip side, my parents used to hold onto things in case I wanted them one day. Over the years, they’ve decluttered their house and each time my folks have a question about an item, I get a text with a picture of the item(s) and a message like, “Do you want to keep this?” or “Any interest in this?” This helps my parents feel better about getting rid of things and lets me know I won’t have to make these decisions when I’m already dealing with their death.
Not everyone has this type of relationship with their parents. You have to find a way to talk about with your loved ones. It must be difficult to be 70, 80, or even 90 and to know you’re closer to the end than the beginning. But here’s the thing: none of us know when we’ll die. I could keel over writing this post right now from an aneurysm.* Talking about death and what happens to your body and your things after you’re gone is important. Parents might not want to confront their mortality. There may be underlying issues, broken relationships, regrets, bucket list items left unchecked. How you handle discussing death and Swedish Death Cleaning will be completely different from someone else. There’s no right or wrong way, easier or harder way. It can be a simple as sending this post to someone you love and opening a discussion.
*Update: At the time of posting, I am still alive.
Start Now
My parents, having dealt with the deaths of other loved ones knew the pain of going through someone else’s possessions and wanted to relieve me of the burden as much as possible. I don’t care if you’re twenty, thirty, fifty, or ninety. This process takes time. Any decluttering or downsizing process takes time, but it takes more time if you’re older and/or if you’ve never undertaken something like this before. If you have storage units outside of your main home, add more time to the process. If you have items which require specific instructions, like museum donations or specific charities, add more time. Like all good habits, starting when you’re younger yields better results when you’re older. And like all good habits, it’s never too late to start.