The Trouble with Gratitude Journals
Open any interview or profile piece with a well-known someone, and you’ll see some clue into their daily routine. The goal of this is to make the Tech CEO or Working Mom-Consultant more realistic. More approachable. More like you and me. Inevitably, gratitude practice comes up for many of these average-yet-elite people.
Grateful for Gratitude
The world of gratitude practice showed up for me in late 2017 or sometime in 2018. Suddenly, my inbox was full of gratitude practice, gratitude meditation, and gratitude journals. My favorite planners came with gratitude pages, and it snowballed for me. I bought a gratitude journal and believed the hype. I was going to become a better person through gratitude practice.
For six months, I diligently wrote my top three things I was grateful for. It became repetitive. And boring. And less helpful and more like an unnecessary chore. The emails that began as “ways to change your life for the better” morphed into, “if you’re not practicing intentional gratitude, you’re going to FAIL!”
Extreme. Manipulative. Unhelpful.
Actions Are Always Louder Than Words
You, being an intelligent and kind person, understand the importance of gratitude. More importantly, you know gratitude is not about writing it down. Gratitude is about your actions. Writing down what you’re grateful for doesn’t mean you become a better person, or negate the rude or terrible things you do or say.
Through my six months of gratitude practice, I found myself becoming complacent. I had so much to be grateful for. Because I was so keen to prove (to who? I don’t know!) I am grateful and humble, I ended up selling myself short in many ways. Ramit Sethi, a personal finance expert, talks about invisible scripts holding you back from making life-changing decisions to improve your financial future. If you follow him regularly, he talks about invisible scripts popping up all over your life. What started as gratitude practice, revealed many invisible scripts about myself.
Here’s a real example of some of my gratitude journals:
I’m grateful for my home – this translated into “I am not worthy of a larger home that better suits our needs.”
I’m grateful for my job – this translated into “better not rock the boat and ask for the raise/promotion I feel I deserve for the extra work and responsibility I’ve taken on.”
I’m grateful for where I am today – this translated into “I should maintain this status quo because I don’t want to upset the balance of the universe.”
I am grateful for my home, my job, and where I am today. However, I still have ambition. I always strive to be better today than I was yesterday. You deserve this too! It’s easy to let the promise of perceived humility dissuade you from doing great things. You cannot control what anyone else thinks, so make sure you’re going after what you want. Being grateful for today does not mean you stop moving toward the person you want to be tomorrow.
You Decide What Is Enough
How often do you hear, “I don’t want to seem ungrateful but…” and someone asks for something entirely fair and reasonable? That’s a trap and I want to keep you from it. Be grateful for you who you and where you started. Be thankful for what is enough – but you get to decide what is enough. It’s easy to think you’re practicing gratitude when you’re slowly killing your ambition and drive to be great.