How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen by David Brooks

How to Know a Person

Subtitle: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen

Author: David Brooks

Genre: Nonfiction

Format: Digital Purchase

Publish Date: October 2023

Read: April 2024

Favorite Quote: There is one skill that lies at the heart of any healthy person, family, school, community organization, or society: the ability to see someone else deeply and make them feel seen—to accurately know another person, to let them feel valued, heard, and understood.

Synopsis: Humans have a deep, evolutionary need to feel seen and understood by their tribe. However, we are terrible at making others feel this way. When we feel like we are understood, we feel less lonely, more secure, and more confident. We’re able to lead better lives. Brooks, a naturally curious journalist, taps the expertise of psychologists, neuroscientists, and community leaders to understand how people illuminate others. From there, Brooks explores ways that the readers can adopt behaviors to make others feel accepted and seen.

Why does this book beguile? I bought this book after a friend recommended it to me, and decided to read it when I started feeling like I didn’t know someone close to me as well as I should. I thoroughly enjoyed the premise of How to Know a Person and appreciate how Brooks describes ways you can ask better questions to get to know someone. I do feel like this book focuses on being a good conversationalist and getting to know people you’ve just met. However, as people change and evolve, it’s important to get to know them again and those preliminary questions seem awkward in an established relationship. The other thing I found interesting was the idea that everyone wants to be known, which I’ve not always found to be true. On more than a few occasions, I’ve encountered someone who genuinely tries to get to know me, yet I don’t want to engage with them. Those two areas I felt were gaps, but there are dozens of helpful nuggets throughout the book to help the reader understand others authentically.

Rating: 4/5

Link*: How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen by David Brooks

If you’re interested in this, read*: Stoic Trilogy by Ryan Holiday